I didn't ask

I didn't ask to be the mother of a little boy that struggles to find self confidence, that uses poor judgement, or that doesn't know why others call him a retard. I didn't ask to have a little boy that would need his parents to have a close relationship with his teachers or principal.

I didn't ask to have a little boy that would see the world differently than the rest of us.

I didn't ask to be the mother of a child that struggles each day with the little things, like getting dressed or making friends.

Before I had children I used to look at mothers with their children and judge their parenting styles and watch their out of control children and tantrums.

I had always envisioned the perfect child that would sit in church on Sunday, in his Sunday best, was reverent, whispered and sat still. I envisioned the child that would wear anything I put him in and eat anything I gave him to eat. I always thought my son would be well behaved and calm.

This wasn't my plan as a mother. Heavenly Father thought I must be good enough to have such a child of trial.

What I didn't know at the time, was that he really sent me the little boy, that would make me a better mother. The little boy that would make sure I wasn't selfish, that I understood what a blessing it is to be a mother.

I don't see the little boy with struggles very much, I still have days, but I have learned to see the little boy that has the biggest heart, the greatest smile, the most unbelievable skill of making you feel better, and is almost always thinking of others first.

This little boy is my son. He has been diagnosed with Aspergers slash PDD slash ADHD slash ODD, but I rarely see that little boy.

I only see the little boy that wants to be hugged, praised and loved. I only see the big brother that yearns to play with his sister or brother or hold his baby sister. I only see the son that loves to help vacuum and beat his dad at a game of UNO. The child that is amazing at math and enjoys hearing about history. The little boy that has an amazing ability to tell you anything you want to know about Star Wars. The little boy that secretly loves to be hugged and kissed as long as no one else is looking. The little boy that loves to hear you read a good book.

My son is a child of God and is loved more than anyone may ever know. I know this, because I do. I love my son, and even though I never asked for the little boy that has so many obstacles to overcome, I wouldn't change a thing.

I am a better mother because of him. I learn something new everyday, because of him. I am someone special, because of him.