My little claim to fame, kind of :)

During our short 5 month stay in Wisconsin, we had the privilege of getting to know many wonderful people. I was blessed even more to become friends with a very talented clothing maker, Natalie. She sells her own brand of Japanese inspired clothing called Koolmono. She does AMAZING work and I admired it the entire time we lived there.

She asked me just before we moved if I would be willing to take pictures of her daughter modeling some of the clothing to post on her ETSY store. I of course agreed because I LOVE taking pictures and I will never pass up that opportunity.

When she arrived that beautiful fall morning for pictures, she came with a couple of different outfits and asked if Kady would be willing to model some too.

Kady was delighted to wear them and the pictures were adorable. When we were all done, Natalie payed me with one of her outfits. (A payment, I still believe I got the better deal on.)

Kady wore it for the next three days straight before I was able to get her to wear something else. She now will bring it to me weekly to wear. So adorable, comfortable and colorful! The fabric is stunning and if I HAD paid for it, I still would have gotten the better deal!! AMAZING!

So, now that you know how we met- lets jump forward to this past week when Stephanie Nielson from NieNie Dialogues did one of her blog posts on Homemade Christmas.
Natalie had sent Nie some Christmas PJ's for each of her kids. Nie LOVED them and included them as "...the CUTEST and I mean, cutest! Pj's in history."
The picture that Stephanie used to show the pj's was one that I had taken for Natalie and that is now on Natalie's ETSY store for Koolmono and it was Kady modeling the Christmas PJ's!

My little girl was on NieNie!! I so love it and I am so happy for Natalie and the success that I am sure she will see from this. So my little claim to fame with a picture of my daughter on a well known inspirational blog!

Here are some of the pictures I took for Natalie and her clothes. To see her store, go HERE. To become a fan on Facebook, go HERE.

This is the picture on NieNie

Spencer in a fun, sure to inspire the "inner Ninja" Boys PJ set

I Absolutely LOVED this dress! Kady was at first a little less thrilled

Once she warmed up, she began to like it too.

But she still Liked the PJ's MORE! :)

a little bit of this and that, yada, yada, yada

Okay, lets see if I can collect all of my thoughts and write them in any kind of an order that will flow, let alone make sense.

This past week was a celebration of Thanksgiving. We have SOOOOOOO many things to be thankful for, where do I even begin.....

We were blessed with a two week visit from my mom. We shared a wonderful meal and spent time together, that I would extend to months if I could. We spent a couple of days just exploring Cleveland, and I am now fully aware of the areas, I am NEVER aloud to travel again. We also spent days discovering the beautiful things about this city, especially the history in Kirtland.

We found a Jo-Ann's, bought fabric and patterns and re-ignited my fire and desire to sew. We discovered several parks, that Chandler did NOT want to go to, but enjoyed EVERY minute of each of them.

We have also learned that deer, LOVE to wander through our yard. This is so delightful and I get excited every time I see them pass through. Yesterday, there were 4 together, so Awesome!
I have learned that my van does NOT fit in the garage- apparently two car, actually meant, small compact cars and use the other side for storage. :) lesson learned- and the passenger side of the van is once again- tainted with more love.

I have struggled getting the kids registered for school in a timely manner. They (the school district) just like to take their time, and the paperwork.... HOLY batman!! there is a lot of paperwork, Then I had to swear to an oath and sign in front of a notary, just to have them even registered. After all that- it will still take them 3 days to determine when the kids will start school. I have the luckiest children alive. No school in November except for about 10 days.

Don't even get me started about the things needed to register your car here. Since my van was purchased by my mother, you would have to give the BMV your first born, all of your mental ability to understand their process and then just give up and license your car in Washington. Haha- that's the truth. Well, most of it.
Again, the paperwork, the notary, and nothing was in one location. You have to pick up the forms from one, take your car to be inspected by another, go back to the first one, pay some money, then go to another location and finish. I am tired just thinking about it. And if you think that any of these locations are close to where I live, or even to each other, again, I will just laugh.
It must have been someones evil plan to mess with people in a way that makes absolutely no sense. Call it a governmental agency and Wala! you would have yourself your own DMV.

All kidding aside, I really do like it here. We have lived here Two weeks and it is so great!!! The ward is just fantastic, the house is wonderful, the ........ ya, that might be it- but I LOVE it!! no sarcasm there. seriously :)_

So in amongst our crazy, busy, no routine, need a routine, but still don't have one lives- we're good. Looking forward to the Christmas Holiday season. Reminding the children of the true meaning and sharing new traditions with them, in a new home, in a new city, far far away from the rest of those that we love and miss so dearly.

oHIooooo!!

We made it. We survived another move, despite my believing that TWO (big) moves in a 5 month period could be a breaking point for some. We survived. BUT not without the love and support of our friends and family. Being a part for 6 weeks, was definitely a trial. Two days later, Cory was in a car accident and suffered a concussion, which is still affecting him. I took him to the ER today to get checked out. He will recover, but it could be a long one.

We went to church in our ward today for the first time. It was nice. It felt so good, and welcoming. I am happy here already.

I am also learning to not see so much difference. I am not a racist, but I have also never been the minority. My first trip out to the grocery store was a shock. It was me and the white security guard in the entire store in amongst a sea of African Americans. I have to admit, I was uncomfortable, but only because I have never been that kind of minority before. Being the only woman, the only Mormon, the only mom with 4 kids, that is the kind of stuff I am used to. Being the only white person, was sadly a little bit of an awakening for me.
I have started to feel better about it now. There are a lot of really nice people around here- We live just outside the city limits of Cleveland, so there is still a lot of "inner city" attitude, and I struggle to understand what they are saying to me at times, but I am sure that with time, I will also get used to that too.

Tomorrow I sign the kids up in school here. I decided that with all the changes, they needed some time to get back into what would be their new routine, they will go back to school after the Thanksgiving Holiday and hopefully it will be an easy transition as the other kids are coming back from a holiday too and it will hopefully make it easier.

We have been blessed with Grandma Wise for the next two weeks. We couldn't be happier, we love having her here and taking her around to get to know this place. We are planning on going to Kirkland this next weekend to see the temple and the museum of church history, this will be a lot of fun.

I know that we are blessed to be here and I am thankful for the blessings we have received, We thank all of our friends and family, you have been amazing!!!

Next update with pictures - I promise! :)

Moving on...... Again.

Apparently Wisconsin, was only ever going to be our temporary summer home. We didn't have the ability to know this. Unpacked from our Iowa move to live here for awhile, only to feel as though the rug has been pulled out from under us. But in a good way.
This is not the End, It is the beginning. The beginning to more stabilty, not just for the boys, but for our entire family. Wishing for the strength to get through this move as I have not planned it. It is out of our control, flying at the speed of light. So many things racing in my head. It's hard to leave something when I feel so unfinished.
I know what it takes to move on. I know what it feels like to leave this all behind.
soon I will be sitting in an empty room trying to remember all the good things we had here. A little part of me wishing it wasn't so. A little part of me wanting to hold on to what I could never really have for long. Change is always hard, but even more so when you don't know what is on the other side. The unknown. How will our life in Ohio be better? Or just be different? so much wondering so, that I have taken every ounce of faith and put my trust in our Savior Jesus Christ to stand steady and take his hand as he leads us. To a place we know nothing about, but a place that is waiting for us.

The hardest part of ending this, is the starting over again. This is not the end. This is just the beginning. The beginning to something better, more permanent. More..... At least I hope. I need.

I need the strength to move on. To do this all over again. I know this is meant to be and the Howerton's will cease to be the wanderer's for a little while.

To those I have met along the way. I thank you. For your Love and service. Your friendship and your kind words pushing me through each day, Especially when the covers in my bed seemed a better place for me -it was each of you that have pulled me back out and made me smile.

Today is a new day, a better day. One I hope to keep for a while. Change can be good, especially when you least expect it.

Moving on.....Again.

A life changer, like no other

It is with sweet and sincere Love that I recall the moments from 9 years ago today.

I became a Mother for the first time. I held a sweet little boy, all wrinkled and puffy, but beautiful.
A Little person that would swallow all of my selfishness, all of my pride, and stole my heart.

To say that the past 9 years have been full of challenges, is honestly a little bit of an understatement. But I wouldn't change a thing. This little boy has taught me more than I could have ever imagined.
When I desired to be a mother, I would imagine a sweet, soft spoken little boy with the ability to capture your smile, by showing you his. I imagined a child that would be well behaved and well mannered, all reflections of how he was raised.
I instead was shaken, with a child that would only confuse us. A child that literally cried for the first 9 months of his life. A child that would teach me more about being a mother without even saying a word. There is no manual, No text book about all that you are capable of. But We write that book every day. With your first social accomplishments, your first sarcastic comments, your first success, your first understanding of what a "gray" area in your black and white world is.

Chandler Maguire Howerton. A child with labels to some, with talents for others, but perfect to us. Your growth in this world is beyond words. To know of your struggles and to see your progress is the most precious and rewarding gift to a parent.
Our beautiful son, you may not be perfect, but to us, you are. All of your little quirks, all that you have learned. you teach us how to be better every day. You are an amazing child. Your love may not always be unconditional, but ours in return always will be.

9 years ago today, We were blessed with an angel. One that would change our lives forever. One that would not change our desire for more beautiful children. One that would make us better people, better parents, better companions.

Chandler, through all of your personal challenges, all of your struggles in this world, One thing I desire most for you to know, is how much you are loved. You have brought so much happiness and joy to our lives. Our Father in Heaven surely knew that you would be well taken care of here. With parents that love you, would walk to the end of the Earth for you, would sacrifice everything for you. While we know you are only able to desire perfection, for us, we gleam with pure joy when you make progress. It isn't always easy to live in our world, one that is confusing, and full of "gray" areas. But as your parents, we will always be here to hold your hand, love you, walk you through your black and white world, all the while showing you how "gray" can be okay.

Happy Birthday Chandler. Your life will always be one of satisfaction and success for us, one that overcomes so many challenges each day. One of pure and unconditional love. The best gift, our Father in Heaven would ever send. A beautiful child, with potentials beyond our imaginations, with love bigger than your heart and with a spirit stronger than most grown men.

May you continue to grow into an outstanding young man. One with many accomplishments and success. Have a life that will always be filled with love and support.
You are an amazing son. An outstanding brother, and example. Thank you for choosing our family. We are so very blessed to have you as our son!
Many blessings and wishes of happiness throughout your life- our desire for you.
We love you!

Back to school! Music to my ears.....

School is finally back in session and it has been a glorious two weeks so far. The school district had moved both the boys to an elementary school out of our boundaries, (yet closer to our home) for the support services available there. I was pleased that they were actually concerned that the boys would not get the aides and services they needed if they went to the elementary school we are in the boundaries for.
The only problem with this, was that we had to write a letter to the superintendent to get him to approve a boundary exception for Aly. Thankfully, since the school district made the changes for the boys and while we agree with them, we did not ask for those and that alone helped Aly's exception get approved. So all three of the older kids are all going to the same school. I transport them every day, like I am used to anyway, and they have been busy making new friends.

The support staff at the school is absolutely fantastic! They actually listened to us, and for the first time in 3 years- Chan started school in his general education classroom instead of a behavior disorder room. It is amazing that we had such a hard time getting his old school to listen to us- absolutely NO problems and we're two weeks in. Shocker! Maybe we actually know what we are talking about. Autism spectrum disorders are NOT a behavior disorder! Finally- a place we can make some progress.

I have thoroughly enjoyed getting back to routine and my house has never been a happier place. Order, and a routine- this must be a record!

Noosh started preschool for the third year this year. I feel bad for the little guy. He still has two more years to go before he even starts Kindergarten. He's either going to be the smartest kindergartener or sick and tired of school before it even starts for most. He is enjoying the fact that he gets to ride a bus home, and I enjoy the fact that he can't figure out the carseat belt even more! My mornings are productive and life seems to be settling down.

The weather has changed drastically here. We're getting cold! last night was 40 degrees. A stark difference from the 90's and high humidity we've been enjoying. No more wearing shorts until October, summer clothes are going to get packed in the next couple of weeks and out come the jackets and long sleeves.

Still missing all of my Iowa friends and my family in the Northwest. **longdistancehugs**

Living with Anxiety

I am at a point in my life that I am realizing that no matter how hard I try to take care of my body, genetics starts to kick in and I no longer have a choice. I try- but I am in the losing end right now.

I have been dealing with an Anxiety disorder for the past year. It started with a racing heart that would take my breath away. That was my only symptom. I went to the Doctor and they were puzzled. Not yet giving it a name, They thought possibly a heart condition. went through some tests, blood work, an ultra sound and an EKG- all of which came back normal. Nothing else was done. My heart was "healthy", so I must be fine. A few more months would go by before I had my first panic attack. The freaking out, feeling numb, almost like I was out of my own body, racing heart, short of breath. I felt as though I was in shock.

A few more months would go by before I would seek medical attention again. This time- a Therapist. My anxiety was keeping me awake, I was afraid to close my eyes at night. and when I did, I would wake often throughout the early morning hours waiting my impending doom. I lived off of 3 to 4 hours of sleep each night for a period of about 3 months. This made me worse. Now I was exhausted, physically and mentally and depression was taking a hold of me. I had hit rock bottom.

I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder with Panic Attacks and mild depression.
Mild? if this was mild, I now understand how sad people must get. This was awful!

I would see my therapist once a week for 2 months. I LOVED her! she taught me how to cope with my racing thoughts and impending doom. I began exercising, eating better and eventually would be running 3 miles a day, 5 days a week. I felt amazing. No drugs to manage any symptoms (although, there were times I wished I had that easy fix). Things were looking up, and then came the move. I thought I could handle the move with ease. I was doing awesome, our family would be together again, there is no way I would become symptomatic again, I had resolved it. I was fine now.

I was wrong. Again. Now in a new state, even farther from family and the friends we had made in Iowa. I was alone. Depression came first, but in a cycle. I would be up for two weeks and then down for two weeks. I had noticed that a couple of weeks before we moved I began to sweat profusely, all the time, no matter what I did. I blamed it on the weather change into summer. Then my racing heart continued. Still not linking this to anxiety, I looked up my symptoms online. Thyroid.

Meanwhile I have been going to a new dentist here. Another year long adventure, still not resolved. Constant mouth pain, no resolution. I was referred to a TMJ and Orafacial pain clinic from my dentist. Finally, I thought I would see relief.
My first visit was amazing, he confirmed TMJ and that my jaw pops in and out (dislocation) He also diagnosed me with restless leg syndrome and believed that my symptoms of everything else, was thyroid. NOW we were talking. Finally - the big picture. I'm going to get better.

I was scheduled to come back for x-rays, physical therapy and more. Then comes the phone call. "We are sorry, but your insurance does not cover our services. How would you like to pay for the $3,000?" um, yeah right. Can I make payment arrangements? "Sure, that will be $600 a month". Okay, seriously people- If I had that, then the $3000 wouldn't be an issue. So now, I am back to where I started. Nowhere.

Still seeking help, I decided to start at square one. A general Doctor. One that could identify any underlying causes like Thyroidism. I made a list and took it with me.
I was not impressed with the office. Walking in, I was told to wait. Then when they did decide to help me, they were rushed and then pushed me onto someone else. There was clearly some unorganization here. I debated on walking out. But I didn't, because I was desperate. The nurse who took my vitals was even rushed and barely remembered to ask me for my reason to see the doc. I was feeling like this was a waste of my time. Then entered the Doctor. Casual day, I guess. Jeans and a polo. First impression means a lot to me- but then again, you can't read a book by its cover. He spent the next 45 minutes with me while I read off my list of complaints. He stopped, and then said "do you realize that there is something with every system in your body?" um, yep- I'm a mess. He decided to start with blood work first. Lets rule out diabetes, thyroidism, etc. this will help us to know where to begin. Meanwhile, he put me on a medication to control my anxiety and mild depression. I have gained 20 pounds in the last 3 months and I am watching what I eat and doing yoga and Pilates. I felt as though for every right thing I did, I had one BIG thing fighting against me. My body!
The next day, I was having what I believe to be an allergic reaction to the anxiety medication. Tightness in my chest, shortness of breath, light headedness, difficulty concentrating. I told the oldest kids to watch me. If I fainted, or became to disoriented, they needed to call an ambulance. This changed the atmosphere in our house. It went from fighting, and being loud to somber and watching me. I called my doctors office and was told he would call me back. Hours went by. I began to feel better. and a little pissed off. Nice to know they couldn't care less.

Meanwhile, Alyssa decided to get hurt at a friends house. She fell down in their play room cutting her leg open. A little trip to the Emergency Room and 4 stitches later- we survived.
My doctor did end up calling, but with my blood results. Boy was I gonna let him have it about the mornings events. Then I forgot all about it, when he said I was perfectly healthy. I couldn't muster the words to respond. What? Healthy? Then explain my symptoms? I do NOT feel healthy- so there must be something! yep. There is. These can all also, be symptoms of my anxiety disorder. Holy cow! I really need help for this monster now. He did then address my concern over the medication. For starters it doesn't typically start to work for 2 to 4 weeks, so I won't see any improvements overnight. Second, he would like for me to keep taking it, despite my inability to breathe and tightness in my chest symptoms. This bothers me, but I'm desperate.

So, I am now left with a giant rock on one side and a barbed wire fence on the other. I can either climb the rock and endure the fight, or I can get caught up and possibly never get over the top on the other. I am changing the time of day of the medicine, to just before bed. So I can handle any discomfort while Cory is home to help and then hopefully I can sleep it off, while my body adjusts.

The second thing I am going to do- is see a chiropractor. My friends in Iowa will be pleased. I have found one here, that is a Palmer graduate. I am going to have them address everything- my TMJ, my popping knees, my popping hips, my RLS and even my anxiety. I feel as though I am left with no other options and beginning to think I should have listened to them from the beginning and gone earlier. I do have a skeptic on my side though. Cory thinks it's hokey, but he just wants me to feel better, so we'll see. So, until I begin to see any results I am just putting my faith in Christ and the power of the priesthood. I will get better, I just don't know when that will be. I will not let Anxiety get the best of me.

Dating my Husband

After ten years of marriage, you come to a point that you realize your married life is NOTHING like it was before kids, and it most certainly does not mirror a dating life.
Day in, day out, you live. You live for work, for kids, for paying bills, going to doctor appointments, going to church, eating, sleeping and doing it all over again. There is very little room for me time, let alone time for either of us to spend one on one quality time with each child separately. So what's left?

For Ten years, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING else, came first.

Lucky for us, we are a good fit. We are truly best friends. When life would throw us lemons, we made lemonade.

When we hit the the 10 year mark, we realized that while, we are good, we should probably learn to make time for us. If we didn't do this now, we might find ourselves displaced when our home was empty and the only thing left was he and I.

We implemented date night. Friday or Saturday night, every couple of weeks, we have hired a babysitter and gone out to spend kid free time together. We LOVE it!! We have never had so many opportunities to date. We have been out before in our ten years. But often times we took at least a baby with us. This is truly the first time, consecutive that we can get away for about 3 hours and just enjoy each others company. So this is what it feels like.....

Last month for the first time ever, I tasted Cheesecake Factory. I could talk a whole paragraph about that place. But the fact that Milwaukee has one, is pleasure enough.

This weekend we are planning on going to the Fair, Cory and I plan on going Friday. By O U R S E L V E S, then Saturday we will go as a family. While it may still be the same fair, they will be TWO totally different experiences.

Dating your spouse is the best thing ever. I know how hard it is to find the time to do this, but I highly recommend you do anything you can to make it happen.

Pictures

Sensory Challenge

Since my life revolves around our kids, I saw that this was fit to share. A chance to win something that is not only beneficial for almost anyone, but sensible for the sensory challenged.
Sensory is a HUGE part of our daily life. The majority of us can deal with the little things that bother us. Me, it's corduroy, velvet, the sound of someone chewing ANYTHING in my ear, and I have a weird thing where If one hand gets wet (say, by helping a little one wash their hands) then I have to get them both wet before I can dry them.
3 of my 4 kids have issues with their socks- which is where I discovered seamless socks. A little pricey for just one pair, but you cannot put a price on one's sanity during your morning routine. Seriously.

So stop reading this and go enter, there is something in the big prize that anyone can enjoy, sensory challenged or not. SmartKnitKIDS

What are your sensory challenges?

Light at the end of a very long tunnel

For the past year I have been experiencing some excruciating pain in my mouth. Going to the dentist weekly, sometimes more than once a week with constant pain. I feel as though it would be okay to call it my second home. Every time being told, they could not find a reason, but maybe it was my sinuses, and to just take some Ibuprofen and see if that helps. Over time, I have adjusted to the pain, the constant radiating surges of dull pain and the occasional shooting zaps in my mouth have just become something I live with. I take 800 mg of Ibuprofen 3 to 4 times a day, just so I can get up each day and be a mom. Not the best mom either. Again, just enough to get me by.

It's been tough, and frustrating. No answers. No direction. Feeling as though I was probably going to have to live the rest of my life in constant pain. I would sit in public places and watch other people go about their life, smiling, laughing and enjoying a nice talk with someone, all the while I stare, envious of what they can do and wanting what they had. Knowing that I may never experience it again, and that they go on unaware that they have something so simple that others want. A pain free mouth.

Today, marks the beginning of the end. I was referred to a TMJ and Orafacial pain clinic from my new dentist. After a thorough 2 hour consultation, I began to feel as though I am in the right place. Answers are starting to come. Things are making sense. I never in a million years imagined TMJ to be so painful, but alas, that is not everything.
I have been living at least the last 6 to 8 months with a dislocated jaw. Now things are starting to make sense. No wonder I don't smile, no wonder I rarely laugh. It hurts and I have fallen into a world of glum because I hurt. The doctor also noticed my neck is goiter. Which is a common symptom of a thyroid that is not functioning properly. That along with other "non-functioning thyroid symptoms" that I have been having, will now be addressed. I have been prescribed a night guard for the clinching that I do at night, a Physical therapist to help me loosen the muscles in my face and neck and a peace of mind.
I was also diagnosed with Restless leg syndrome, which is apparently common and often times one of the reasons jaw clinching, anxiety, and mouth pain start. Not sleeping well, leads to issues with your jaw. I never would have guessed. Last night was my first night of discovery to see if I sleep better and if my jaw hurts less in the morning. So far, there is an improvement, I feel more rested and while my mouth hurts, I did not wake up clenching my teeth.

I go back next week for a CT scan, my first physical Therapy appointment and to be fitted for the night guard. But until then, I watch the clock to see when I am able to take more Ibuprofen for the pain. Yesterday was very trying during the exam and nothing seems to take the edge off. My mouth in a constant throb, I am hopeful that I will get to smile, pain free again.

For some time, I have been fairly hard on myself. I have had the up most desire to enjoy summer with the kids, to spend more quality time with them, but each morning I would wake and when the pain surged through me, my irritability kicks in, the headache in my head would start to pound, my neck would be stiff and my ability to tolerate even the slightest request put my day in the tanker. Slowly depression kicks in, because I don't feel up to par as a mom and when the kids were cranky, they would confirm it.

The other day, a friend of Chandler's made a funny sarcastic comment. I laughed in passing. The kids noticed. They all ran off into the kitchen whispering how they just "saw your mom smile". Spencer ran in to the room and asked to see me smile again. I did. He then proceeded to tell me in his innocent 3 year old knowledgeable way, how he enjoyed my smile and that it makes him happy.

My heart sank into my stomach. How did my life get to this point where something as simple as a smile, was a rare occasion?

My 3 year old summed it all up for me. I was a cranky momma and it was rubbing off, so much that even their friends noticed. I am devastated that I am perceived this way. I love my children so much, it hurts more than my mouth at times.
This has consumed me. It has taken away precious time of fun, laughter and smiles.
I feel robbed, by something that should have been diagnosed long ago, by other dentists.

This has taken a year from me. A year I can't get back. But today, I was given a day that begins with a light at the end of the tunnel. And now, I look forward to many more tomorrows. Tomorrows, that will start with a smile.

The way it is

It has been 5 years since we first heard the word Autism. It has been 4 1/2 years since the word was used to describe Chandler. It wasn't devastating at first because we weren't fully aware of what that would mean at the time.

Today, while we were coddling Kady in Nursery we had the privilege of watching a little boy who was visiting. His parents had made the ladies in Nursery aware that he would do his own thing and they brought him his own snack because he was on a special diet. I then spoke with his uncle who said they were in the process of getting a diagnosis. They are thinking it's Aspergers. It was nice to watch this little boy and see the same traits and comforts that our boys have. He isn't 3 years old yet, so he has a great opportunity to receive some awesome intervention and overcome many obstacles. I was enthralled and Cory cried. He reminded me that they have not yet had their "First" day, the day you realize your child lives in an entirely different world.
We watched as this little boy would dance around the room, touching every toy that made noise, going back to the same one in the ladies lap and making sure the music didn't stop. It was like clock work to him. No eye contact was made and little sounds squeaked out of his mouth. We were anxious to see what would happen when the toys were put away for singing time. And as we expected, he started to scream. He needed that comfort of noise and the constant tune to be okay. The nursery leaders tried to re-direct him, I tried to tell them what it was that he desired. One of them thought I was his mother. No, just someone who "gets it". They appeased him with another musical toy until they were able to distract him with singing time.

I have not had much of an opportunity to see this in other children. It was enlightening and strangely satisfying. We are not alone in our journey. Our boys are not alone.

We have suspected Cory of also being on the Spectrum, most likely Aspergers. We are of course not licensed to make this diagnosis, but from what we understand, it would make sense. He sees a lot of him as a child in the boys. And as an adult, we make sarcastic comments about his OCD and the way he HAS to have certain things done, but really when you break it all down- he is JUST like the boys but as an adult. He is just able to cope, he has found a way to cope and live each day in a world that often makes no sense at times. He is amazing at what he does every day, he is an amazing speaker in public, but he strongly dislikes groups of people, he cannot stand crowds, standing in lines and waiting. Everything has a place and a specific way to be done and when they are not, there will be a meltdown, just a watered down version from the boys.
We have talked about seeking further medical evaluations for him, but at this age, it is strange to think it would make a difference.

I live each day in an overwhelming world, one where I have to watch what I say and the way I say it. One where I have to remind myself that my facial expression meant something entirely different to them than I intended it too. One where order and routine RULE. One where a smile means I love you and is a desired expression for my 3 year old. One where I have to remind myself that no matter how overwhelmed I may be, they still need me to remind them that they are okay.

Life is not what I had expected it would be, but it challenges me to be a better person and that makes it worth it!

Tick Tock

Would it be so terrible if I said outloud that I was wishing for school to start. Sooner than later....

There are four kids here. F..O..U..R!!!!! I am outnumbered 12 hours a day by 3, I have no say (according to them) and the best part of my day, is when they are finally asleep.

We have good days, and we have some fun, but since Chandler is 8 (almost 9), he keeps telling me he is too old to do any of the stuff that the younger kids are doing, and the younger kids are too little to do any of the big stuff he would like to do. I just can't win. It's not for lack of trying, I am being told, it's just because I'm the mom and I just don't get it.

Okay Summer, time to shine down on me a little and throw me a bone.

Jelly Belly Family fun!

There is a Jelly Belly Warehouse just 40 minutes from our house. While it is not as cool as the Factory in California, it was a lot of fun. They take you on a little tour in a Jelly Belly train around the warehouse and show you through videos how Jelly Belly came to be and how they are made. Chan and Aly really enjoyed it, while Kady and Spencer enjoyed the train ride and all the goodies in the store, it was just great fun to get out and do something fun.

We're going to be buying our zoo pass and childrens museum pass this week and honestly I think I am more excited than the kids are. We are finally starting to get all settled in and it's time to make summer fun! It also means more reasons to take more pictures, although I am pretty sure I don't need a reason to take a picture, it's fun to have such a great excuse!!

our home in Wisconsin

"the Boys" playing soccer in the backyard.


"the Girls" enjoying some QT on the front lawn


Kady walkin along the front walk looking East on our street. (wearing Aly's BIG girl sandals:)


The front of our house


Spencer walking along the bike path at the park. Our neighborhood comes right up against the park :)


If you look behind Cute little Spencer and beyond the baseball diamond you can see the stairwell that takes you back to our house. So Awesome to be so close.


And, how could I forget this great picture of Chandler sporting his Wave gear!!


I've been meaning to show everyone our new house. It is so very green here, We absolutely love it, although after the recent Tornado activity, we would love it if the city we lived in actually had warning sirens. So instead we will just rely on our weather radios during these horrific Thunder storms. Not a lot of sleep this last week because of the weather, but I am sure that in time we will get used to it.

Feeling really blessed with all we have and grateful for our family and friends

Today, I Miss.....

My friends and Therapist the most!!!

I have no problem sharing that today has been one of those days. I wake up to Thursday to find out it is actually Friday. Not such a bad thing, but I have been living my whole week one day behind and I am racking my brain trying to figure out where I lost a day. I wonder what day I missed? I am hoping I was sleeping that day because I really needed it.......

Our first week in Wisconsin

Whew! We made it and in one piece. Sort of. Moving day was not without incident, but with the help of some pretty amazing people, we made it through. I would be lying if I didn't tell you there was a lot of praying, holding my breath and faith. There was an accident with the auto transport (thank goodness for the optional insurance), the 26 foot moving truck got stuck in the back yard, we tried to tow it out with a mini van- but yep, a totally loaded down half semi wasn't going to budge. Luckily our neighbor noticed our efforts and offered to pull us out with his suburban.

The week has gone by fairly quickly. I was able to get the three older children registered for school this next fall, apply for medical insurance, change our address with some important places, get lost twice, find the mall and find a grocery store I can drive to without getting lost :)

This last weekend, we journeyed into downtown Milwaukee. we had to avoid the waterfront because the air show was happening down there and the traffic was crazy. But it was nice to see buildings taller than 4 stories and drive for twenty minutes and not be in corn country. Me and Milwaukee are going to get a long just fine.

As far as friends for the kids- well, they are not lacking. Our neighborhood is chalked full of them and it is amazing how putting up ones trampoline becomes a magnet for the neighborhood. Our doorbell is promptly rang at 8am every morning and we are telling them they have to leave at bedtime. Friends for me on the other hand, not going to be as fluid. This may take some time, but at least the kids aren't telling me they are bored every day and you just can't put a price on that!

Grandma is rumored to make an appearance here soon and we couldn't be more excited. Actually I am pretty sure I am more excited than the kids- but we are hoping to have some fun while she visits. It will be nice to have an adult to talk with.

So, here we are. Settling in, and trying to find a routine. Getting used to the different weather in June, and the house is great. There is a play room- need I say more?