what it must be like

I did well at school today, it seems to be getting better. I don't know why? Maybe because the sun is shining. I'm not very good at reading or writing, but I'm the smartest kid at math. My teacher loves me and is nice to me. I hope she'll still like me when I make a mistake.
I like it when school is over, no more stress and worrying about trying to be so good. I don't know what the big deal is, I do my best, but they keep looking at me and whispering. I know it's about me, everybody talks about me.

Today is nice out and mom says we can go play at the playground.
I like playing outside. There is my friend Jonathon.
Hi Jonathon!
Well, I guess he doesn't want to be my friend anymore.
I don't understand why people don't get it. Why is it so hard to know how I feel inside. They must be stupid or something.
I'm not a retard you know? One kid said I was, but I don't really know what that means anyway.
I can tell you that 12 minus 3 is 9 without even counting or using paper. I'm a smart kid.
My parents love me a lot too. I like to play games with my dad and wrestle with him. He likes to play soccer with me and I beat him a lot. I'm really good. My mom is nice, but she's busy with the baby and cleaning the house. Sometimes I can play with her, but not as much as dad. She's a good cook. I like it when she makes me brownies.

I don't like my sister. she makes everything seem so easy. I'm smarter than her you know? I should be, cause I'm older.
I have a little brother too. He still likes to get in to my stuff and I don't like that.

Why is it so hard having Autism? I don't like the way it makes me feel. I like having friends and being a normal kid. You can't see my Autism, so a lot of people don't understand. It makes me angry and sad. I just wish it would go away.

Dad always tells me he understands. I believe him too.
He has Autism, just like me. One day when I grow up I'm going to be a police man and catch all the bad guys.
signed,
a 7 year old with Aspergers

I wrote this today after I talked with him about his feelings and I wondered what it must really be like in his world. It makes me hurt to know he struggles so much with the things that come so easy to the rest of us. I don't fully understand how he feels, but I do know that it's not easy.
At the playground today, he was happy to be playing with a friend and then that friend ran to go play with someone else. Everyone is Chan's friend, but he doesn't see it that way. He sadly walked away and sat at the fence. I went over and talked with him briefly. He had decided to just sit down because no one wanted to be his friend. I tried to encourage him to go back and play, but I don't understand.
A few minutes later he had a girl from his class come and invite him to play. she got down on his level and she convinced him to go for a walk.
This really melts my heart. I have no idea what it must be like on a daily basis for him, but I wish I did.