Remembering

when someone you love deeply, passes on, you never know how you'll react.

Life continues to be lived and yet a piece is missing.

It has been 3 years today, that my dad exited this life. It is not uncommon for a parent to die before a child, in fact we are prepared in life for this to happen. It is however impossible to prepare for the time at which that parent passes. My father was too young. There are no angry feelings about this, just sad. He was such a light in our lives and anyone that knew him, knows.

I never realized that losing a loved one so suddenly would leave a hole in your heart. Time has stood still and I still see him as he looked 3 years ago.
I did not expect to feel the way I do about death. I did not know how I would feel about something like this. I always assumed that life would play its course and that both my parents would live to a very old age. I feel like I would have more closure.

I didn't get to say goodbye to my dad.
I prayed the entire drive home from work the night I received the call. I did not know at the time I had been praying he had already been pronounced dead. I felt it. As I closed my eyes, I could see the most brilliant white light and my dad standing there. He was smiling and I felt peace. I did not realize the significance until I heard later that indeed he had been called to heaven.

Growing up, like any kid, we had ups and downs. When I think of my dad, I only remember the good times. He was such an awesome dad. So loving, so genuinely funny and very intelligent. His love for the scriptures and passion for the gospel set him far apart from many in my eyes.

It took me over a year to find the words to say goodbye.

How do you deal with the death of a loved one?

You do not. You simply learn to live with it.

I think of him daily and feel him in our home often. Our children speak with him and recognize his spirit. Nooshie was not born when my father passed, but can recognize him in pictures. I have no doubt in my mind that he knows him.

So, as another year passes us by. We remember. We cry and we love. Wishing we could stand at his headstone to pay our respect.

Dad, you may not be with us physically, but you are always with us in our hearts and minds. Your words echo in our ears, your pictures reminding us to love our children as you loved us. Thank you for being my father. Thank you for teaching me, so that I could become the mother I am today. I love you! Until we meet again!