I was sitting in the waiting room at the Heart institute and staring out the large windows at the landscape and trying not to notice that I am the youngest one in the room. Everyone around me is at least in their 70's and wearing cardigans. One couple in particular caught my attention as the wife tried to make her husband layer up even more. Their communication went a little like, uh huh, and na. No other words were needed and they knew what the other was saying. Funny how life has brought them to this point. They already know everything and apparently have no conversation left. A little bit of me, was wanting to know their life story and then another part just smiled as I could see C and I having the same conversation in 40 years.
I was referred to the Heart Institute for palpitations and difficulty breathing. It takes a lot for me to go to the doctor, but this one was a little scary for me. I would have several episodes of a fast heart rate several times a day and they always took my breath away. Often times they would occur while I was laying down or sitting. I would not get them while I was exercising or while I was in motion, so this was extra perplexing to me. I of course looked this up on google and got the extreme diagnosis. I do not like that our fastest resource always seems to be tainted and leaves you with the freak out.
There are some heart complications that run in my family, so of course I wanted to take this seriously.
My doctor had no explanation since my blood pressure and EKG were normal. I am now sitting here with a fancy machine that makes me feel like a science project. I will be wearing it for the next 48 hours so that it can record my heart. I feel silly since the palpitations have practically stopped for the most part. I have to record every movement and meal along with symptoms in a diary. As if taking care of all the kids and the house is not already enough for me.
We talked a lot about stress and why this could have been happening. At first I was sure that there was no stress involved. I'm not stressed. Nothing to stress me out. Then I made a list of all the things I have going on and things that are coming up. Yeah, it's probably just stress. I just didn't feel stressed; until now anyway. There is something about the machine. Having to keep a diary of every motion I make, not eating as much as I would like because then I would have to write it down and become accountable to some one other than me. Then of course there is the tape to hold it all in place- so annoying- so yes, that is also now adding to my stress. I am now a shut-in until Friday, as I am not about to give the general public a side show at the grocery store. Peanut butter and jelly never sounded better for dinner and I am pretty sure it is adding to the problem -not helping.
I asked C for a blessing and I knew that everything would then be okay. A little bit of faith and the power of a priesthood blessing can go a long way.
The house cleaning can wait, the laundry will survive untouched in the basement, the food in the cupboards will suffice as I just take it easy and try to forget it even exists.
So for now, I just sit and wait.
5 comments:
Hey sis,
Remember when I was a teenager and did the same thing? I was "fainting, without the negative and slow restart". I noticed the racing heart and then blackout. I had to wear it to school. They made me do a sleep test and I had to stay up all night. It was to be held on the 1st of April and the wires attached to my head. Adam joked I had no brain. I never did find out what it was and seemed to just go away.
So stay calm...all in the Lord's time. Love You!
Hope all is well- We'll keep you in our thoughts and prayers
Did you mention the shower thing?!?
I was a SAHM when Cris was an infant... I didnt think I had stress or new what it was really, not much to stress about at home right? well I did all the fancy tests, monitors, EKG's and everything, but I also got the best and least complicated answer... my doctor simply says 'welcome to the world of anxiety'.... I felt like I might be having signs of a heart attack and he is telling me I am just having anxiety attacks? but let me tell you... clonopin, and xanax are awesome.. they are tiny, they arnt needed every day if but maybe once in a blue moon but I can tell the difference. You have 4 kids, your a 'single' mom at this time and 2 of your children are a lot more than most of us can handle with special needs so you having stress, having panic and anxiety... totally, but lets not stop there.. lets add one more child that will arrive soon from out of town and this crappy economy and the crap and evil of the world going on top of it... girl...get ahold of Jake, he sent me an anxiety test ( a real deal one) and I scored in the constantly high anxiety realm... all I am going to say is, I got ten bux on my answer.
I hope everything works out. I was surprised to read this post. I realized that I am not involved enough, I want to hang out and get to know you better, I want to be your friend.
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