The way it is

It has been 5 years since we first heard the word Autism. It has been 4 1/2 years since the word was used to describe Chandler. It wasn't devastating at first because we weren't fully aware of what that would mean at the time.

Today, while we were coddling Kady in Nursery we had the privilege of watching a little boy who was visiting. His parents had made the ladies in Nursery aware that he would do his own thing and they brought him his own snack because he was on a special diet. I then spoke with his uncle who said they were in the process of getting a diagnosis. They are thinking it's Aspergers. It was nice to watch this little boy and see the same traits and comforts that our boys have. He isn't 3 years old yet, so he has a great opportunity to receive some awesome intervention and overcome many obstacles. I was enthralled and Cory cried. He reminded me that they have not yet had their "First" day, the day you realize your child lives in an entirely different world.
We watched as this little boy would dance around the room, touching every toy that made noise, going back to the same one in the ladies lap and making sure the music didn't stop. It was like clock work to him. No eye contact was made and little sounds squeaked out of his mouth. We were anxious to see what would happen when the toys were put away for singing time. And as we expected, he started to scream. He needed that comfort of noise and the constant tune to be okay. The nursery leaders tried to re-direct him, I tried to tell them what it was that he desired. One of them thought I was his mother. No, just someone who "gets it". They appeased him with another musical toy until they were able to distract him with singing time.

I have not had much of an opportunity to see this in other children. It was enlightening and strangely satisfying. We are not alone in our journey. Our boys are not alone.

We have suspected Cory of also being on the Spectrum, most likely Aspergers. We are of course not licensed to make this diagnosis, but from what we understand, it would make sense. He sees a lot of him as a child in the boys. And as an adult, we make sarcastic comments about his OCD and the way he HAS to have certain things done, but really when you break it all down- he is JUST like the boys but as an adult. He is just able to cope, he has found a way to cope and live each day in a world that often makes no sense at times. He is amazing at what he does every day, he is an amazing speaker in public, but he strongly dislikes groups of people, he cannot stand crowds, standing in lines and waiting. Everything has a place and a specific way to be done and when they are not, there will be a meltdown, just a watered down version from the boys.
We have talked about seeking further medical evaluations for him, but at this age, it is strange to think it would make a difference.

I live each day in an overwhelming world, one where I have to watch what I say and the way I say it. One where I have to remind myself that my facial expression meant something entirely different to them than I intended it too. One where order and routine RULE. One where a smile means I love you and is a desired expression for my 3 year old. One where I have to remind myself that no matter how overwhelmed I may be, they still need me to remind them that they are okay.

Life is not what I had expected it would be, but it challenges me to be a better person and that makes it worth it!