My little claim to fame, kind of :)

During our short 5 month stay in Wisconsin, we had the privilege of getting to know many wonderful people. I was blessed even more to become friends with a very talented clothing maker, Natalie. She sells her own brand of Japanese inspired clothing called Koolmono. She does AMAZING work and I admired it the entire time we lived there.

She asked me just before we moved if I would be willing to take pictures of her daughter modeling some of the clothing to post on her ETSY store. I of course agreed because I LOVE taking pictures and I will never pass up that opportunity.

When she arrived that beautiful fall morning for pictures, she came with a couple of different outfits and asked if Kady would be willing to model some too.

Kady was delighted to wear them and the pictures were adorable. When we were all done, Natalie payed me with one of her outfits. (A payment, I still believe I got the better deal on.)

Kady wore it for the next three days straight before I was able to get her to wear something else. She now will bring it to me weekly to wear. So adorable, comfortable and colorful! The fabric is stunning and if I HAD paid for it, I still would have gotten the better deal!! AMAZING!

So, now that you know how we met- lets jump forward to this past week when Stephanie Nielson from NieNie Dialogues did one of her blog posts on Homemade Christmas.
Natalie had sent Nie some Christmas PJ's for each of her kids. Nie LOVED them and included them as "...the CUTEST and I mean, cutest! Pj's in history."
The picture that Stephanie used to show the pj's was one that I had taken for Natalie and that is now on Natalie's ETSY store for Koolmono and it was Kady modeling the Christmas PJ's!

My little girl was on NieNie!! I so love it and I am so happy for Natalie and the success that I am sure she will see from this. So my little claim to fame with a picture of my daughter on a well known inspirational blog!

Here are some of the pictures I took for Natalie and her clothes. To see her store, go HERE. To become a fan on Facebook, go HERE.

This is the picture on NieNie

Spencer in a fun, sure to inspire the "inner Ninja" Boys PJ set

I Absolutely LOVED this dress! Kady was at first a little less thrilled

Once she warmed up, she began to like it too.

But she still Liked the PJ's MORE! :)

a little bit of this and that, yada, yada, yada

Okay, lets see if I can collect all of my thoughts and write them in any kind of an order that will flow, let alone make sense.

This past week was a celebration of Thanksgiving. We have SOOOOOOO many things to be thankful for, where do I even begin.....

We were blessed with a two week visit from my mom. We shared a wonderful meal and spent time together, that I would extend to months if I could. We spent a couple of days just exploring Cleveland, and I am now fully aware of the areas, I am NEVER aloud to travel again. We also spent days discovering the beautiful things about this city, especially the history in Kirtland.

We found a Jo-Ann's, bought fabric and patterns and re-ignited my fire and desire to sew. We discovered several parks, that Chandler did NOT want to go to, but enjoyed EVERY minute of each of them.

We have also learned that deer, LOVE to wander through our yard. This is so delightful and I get excited every time I see them pass through. Yesterday, there were 4 together, so Awesome!
I have learned that my van does NOT fit in the garage- apparently two car, actually meant, small compact cars and use the other side for storage. :) lesson learned- and the passenger side of the van is once again- tainted with more love.

I have struggled getting the kids registered for school in a timely manner. They (the school district) just like to take their time, and the paperwork.... HOLY batman!! there is a lot of paperwork, Then I had to swear to an oath and sign in front of a notary, just to have them even registered. After all that- it will still take them 3 days to determine when the kids will start school. I have the luckiest children alive. No school in November except for about 10 days.

Don't even get me started about the things needed to register your car here. Since my van was purchased by my mother, you would have to give the BMV your first born, all of your mental ability to understand their process and then just give up and license your car in Washington. Haha- that's the truth. Well, most of it.
Again, the paperwork, the notary, and nothing was in one location. You have to pick up the forms from one, take your car to be inspected by another, go back to the first one, pay some money, then go to another location and finish. I am tired just thinking about it. And if you think that any of these locations are close to where I live, or even to each other, again, I will just laugh.
It must have been someones evil plan to mess with people in a way that makes absolutely no sense. Call it a governmental agency and Wala! you would have yourself your own DMV.

All kidding aside, I really do like it here. We have lived here Two weeks and it is so great!!! The ward is just fantastic, the house is wonderful, the ........ ya, that might be it- but I LOVE it!! no sarcasm there. seriously :)_

So in amongst our crazy, busy, no routine, need a routine, but still don't have one lives- we're good. Looking forward to the Christmas Holiday season. Reminding the children of the true meaning and sharing new traditions with them, in a new home, in a new city, far far away from the rest of those that we love and miss so dearly.

oHIooooo!!

We made it. We survived another move, despite my believing that TWO (big) moves in a 5 month period could be a breaking point for some. We survived. BUT not without the love and support of our friends and family. Being a part for 6 weeks, was definitely a trial. Two days later, Cory was in a car accident and suffered a concussion, which is still affecting him. I took him to the ER today to get checked out. He will recover, but it could be a long one.

We went to church in our ward today for the first time. It was nice. It felt so good, and welcoming. I am happy here already.

I am also learning to not see so much difference. I am not a racist, but I have also never been the minority. My first trip out to the grocery store was a shock. It was me and the white security guard in the entire store in amongst a sea of African Americans. I have to admit, I was uncomfortable, but only because I have never been that kind of minority before. Being the only woman, the only Mormon, the only mom with 4 kids, that is the kind of stuff I am used to. Being the only white person, was sadly a little bit of an awakening for me.
I have started to feel better about it now. There are a lot of really nice people around here- We live just outside the city limits of Cleveland, so there is still a lot of "inner city" attitude, and I struggle to understand what they are saying to me at times, but I am sure that with time, I will also get used to that too.

Tomorrow I sign the kids up in school here. I decided that with all the changes, they needed some time to get back into what would be their new routine, they will go back to school after the Thanksgiving Holiday and hopefully it will be an easy transition as the other kids are coming back from a holiday too and it will hopefully make it easier.

We have been blessed with Grandma Wise for the next two weeks. We couldn't be happier, we love having her here and taking her around to get to know this place. We are planning on going to Kirkland this next weekend to see the temple and the museum of church history, this will be a lot of fun.

I know that we are blessed to be here and I am thankful for the blessings we have received, We thank all of our friends and family, you have been amazing!!!

Next update with pictures - I promise! :)

Moving on...... Again.

Apparently Wisconsin, was only ever going to be our temporary summer home. We didn't have the ability to know this. Unpacked from our Iowa move to live here for awhile, only to feel as though the rug has been pulled out from under us. But in a good way.
This is not the End, It is the beginning. The beginning to more stabilty, not just for the boys, but for our entire family. Wishing for the strength to get through this move as I have not planned it. It is out of our control, flying at the speed of light. So many things racing in my head. It's hard to leave something when I feel so unfinished.
I know what it takes to move on. I know what it feels like to leave this all behind.
soon I will be sitting in an empty room trying to remember all the good things we had here. A little part of me wishing it wasn't so. A little part of me wanting to hold on to what I could never really have for long. Change is always hard, but even more so when you don't know what is on the other side. The unknown. How will our life in Ohio be better? Or just be different? so much wondering so, that I have taken every ounce of faith and put my trust in our Savior Jesus Christ to stand steady and take his hand as he leads us. To a place we know nothing about, but a place that is waiting for us.

The hardest part of ending this, is the starting over again. This is not the end. This is just the beginning. The beginning to something better, more permanent. More..... At least I hope. I need.

I need the strength to move on. To do this all over again. I know this is meant to be and the Howerton's will cease to be the wanderer's for a little while.

To those I have met along the way. I thank you. For your Love and service. Your friendship and your kind words pushing me through each day, Especially when the covers in my bed seemed a better place for me -it was each of you that have pulled me back out and made me smile.

Today is a new day, a better day. One I hope to keep for a while. Change can be good, especially when you least expect it.

Moving on.....Again.

A life changer, like no other

It is with sweet and sincere Love that I recall the moments from 9 years ago today.

I became a Mother for the first time. I held a sweet little boy, all wrinkled and puffy, but beautiful.
A Little person that would swallow all of my selfishness, all of my pride, and stole my heart.

To say that the past 9 years have been full of challenges, is honestly a little bit of an understatement. But I wouldn't change a thing. This little boy has taught me more than I could have ever imagined.
When I desired to be a mother, I would imagine a sweet, soft spoken little boy with the ability to capture your smile, by showing you his. I imagined a child that would be well behaved and well mannered, all reflections of how he was raised.
I instead was shaken, with a child that would only confuse us. A child that literally cried for the first 9 months of his life. A child that would teach me more about being a mother without even saying a word. There is no manual, No text book about all that you are capable of. But We write that book every day. With your first social accomplishments, your first sarcastic comments, your first success, your first understanding of what a "gray" area in your black and white world is.

Chandler Maguire Howerton. A child with labels to some, with talents for others, but perfect to us. Your growth in this world is beyond words. To know of your struggles and to see your progress is the most precious and rewarding gift to a parent.
Our beautiful son, you may not be perfect, but to us, you are. All of your little quirks, all that you have learned. you teach us how to be better every day. You are an amazing child. Your love may not always be unconditional, but ours in return always will be.

9 years ago today, We were blessed with an angel. One that would change our lives forever. One that would not change our desire for more beautiful children. One that would make us better people, better parents, better companions.

Chandler, through all of your personal challenges, all of your struggles in this world, One thing I desire most for you to know, is how much you are loved. You have brought so much happiness and joy to our lives. Our Father in Heaven surely knew that you would be well taken care of here. With parents that love you, would walk to the end of the Earth for you, would sacrifice everything for you. While we know you are only able to desire perfection, for us, we gleam with pure joy when you make progress. It isn't always easy to live in our world, one that is confusing, and full of "gray" areas. But as your parents, we will always be here to hold your hand, love you, walk you through your black and white world, all the while showing you how "gray" can be okay.

Happy Birthday Chandler. Your life will always be one of satisfaction and success for us, one that overcomes so many challenges each day. One of pure and unconditional love. The best gift, our Father in Heaven would ever send. A beautiful child, with potentials beyond our imaginations, with love bigger than your heart and with a spirit stronger than most grown men.

May you continue to grow into an outstanding young man. One with many accomplishments and success. Have a life that will always be filled with love and support.
You are an amazing son. An outstanding brother, and example. Thank you for choosing our family. We are so very blessed to have you as our son!
Many blessings and wishes of happiness throughout your life- our desire for you.
We love you!

Back to school! Music to my ears.....

School is finally back in session and it has been a glorious two weeks so far. The school district had moved both the boys to an elementary school out of our boundaries, (yet closer to our home) for the support services available there. I was pleased that they were actually concerned that the boys would not get the aides and services they needed if they went to the elementary school we are in the boundaries for.
The only problem with this, was that we had to write a letter to the superintendent to get him to approve a boundary exception for Aly. Thankfully, since the school district made the changes for the boys and while we agree with them, we did not ask for those and that alone helped Aly's exception get approved. So all three of the older kids are all going to the same school. I transport them every day, like I am used to anyway, and they have been busy making new friends.

The support staff at the school is absolutely fantastic! They actually listened to us, and for the first time in 3 years- Chan started school in his general education classroom instead of a behavior disorder room. It is amazing that we had such a hard time getting his old school to listen to us- absolutely NO problems and we're two weeks in. Shocker! Maybe we actually know what we are talking about. Autism spectrum disorders are NOT a behavior disorder! Finally- a place we can make some progress.

I have thoroughly enjoyed getting back to routine and my house has never been a happier place. Order, and a routine- this must be a record!

Noosh started preschool for the third year this year. I feel bad for the little guy. He still has two more years to go before he even starts Kindergarten. He's either going to be the smartest kindergartener or sick and tired of school before it even starts for most. He is enjoying the fact that he gets to ride a bus home, and I enjoy the fact that he can't figure out the carseat belt even more! My mornings are productive and life seems to be settling down.

The weather has changed drastically here. We're getting cold! last night was 40 degrees. A stark difference from the 90's and high humidity we've been enjoying. No more wearing shorts until October, summer clothes are going to get packed in the next couple of weeks and out come the jackets and long sleeves.

Still missing all of my Iowa friends and my family in the Northwest. **longdistancehugs**

Living with Anxiety

I am at a point in my life that I am realizing that no matter how hard I try to take care of my body, genetics starts to kick in and I no longer have a choice. I try- but I am in the losing end right now.

I have been dealing with an Anxiety disorder for the past year. It started with a racing heart that would take my breath away. That was my only symptom. I went to the Doctor and they were puzzled. Not yet giving it a name, They thought possibly a heart condition. went through some tests, blood work, an ultra sound and an EKG- all of which came back normal. Nothing else was done. My heart was "healthy", so I must be fine. A few more months would go by before I had my first panic attack. The freaking out, feeling numb, almost like I was out of my own body, racing heart, short of breath. I felt as though I was in shock.

A few more months would go by before I would seek medical attention again. This time- a Therapist. My anxiety was keeping me awake, I was afraid to close my eyes at night. and when I did, I would wake often throughout the early morning hours waiting my impending doom. I lived off of 3 to 4 hours of sleep each night for a period of about 3 months. This made me worse. Now I was exhausted, physically and mentally and depression was taking a hold of me. I had hit rock bottom.

I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder with Panic Attacks and mild depression.
Mild? if this was mild, I now understand how sad people must get. This was awful!

I would see my therapist once a week for 2 months. I LOVED her! she taught me how to cope with my racing thoughts and impending doom. I began exercising, eating better and eventually would be running 3 miles a day, 5 days a week. I felt amazing. No drugs to manage any symptoms (although, there were times I wished I had that easy fix). Things were looking up, and then came the move. I thought I could handle the move with ease. I was doing awesome, our family would be together again, there is no way I would become symptomatic again, I had resolved it. I was fine now.

I was wrong. Again. Now in a new state, even farther from family and the friends we had made in Iowa. I was alone. Depression came first, but in a cycle. I would be up for two weeks and then down for two weeks. I had noticed that a couple of weeks before we moved I began to sweat profusely, all the time, no matter what I did. I blamed it on the weather change into summer. Then my racing heart continued. Still not linking this to anxiety, I looked up my symptoms online. Thyroid.

Meanwhile I have been going to a new dentist here. Another year long adventure, still not resolved. Constant mouth pain, no resolution. I was referred to a TMJ and Orafacial pain clinic from my dentist. Finally, I thought I would see relief.
My first visit was amazing, he confirmed TMJ and that my jaw pops in and out (dislocation) He also diagnosed me with restless leg syndrome and believed that my symptoms of everything else, was thyroid. NOW we were talking. Finally - the big picture. I'm going to get better.

I was scheduled to come back for x-rays, physical therapy and more. Then comes the phone call. "We are sorry, but your insurance does not cover our services. How would you like to pay for the $3,000?" um, yeah right. Can I make payment arrangements? "Sure, that will be $600 a month". Okay, seriously people- If I had that, then the $3000 wouldn't be an issue. So now, I am back to where I started. Nowhere.

Still seeking help, I decided to start at square one. A general Doctor. One that could identify any underlying causes like Thyroidism. I made a list and took it with me.
I was not impressed with the office. Walking in, I was told to wait. Then when they did decide to help me, they were rushed and then pushed me onto someone else. There was clearly some unorganization here. I debated on walking out. But I didn't, because I was desperate. The nurse who took my vitals was even rushed and barely remembered to ask me for my reason to see the doc. I was feeling like this was a waste of my time. Then entered the Doctor. Casual day, I guess. Jeans and a polo. First impression means a lot to me- but then again, you can't read a book by its cover. He spent the next 45 minutes with me while I read off my list of complaints. He stopped, and then said "do you realize that there is something with every system in your body?" um, yep- I'm a mess. He decided to start with blood work first. Lets rule out diabetes, thyroidism, etc. this will help us to know where to begin. Meanwhile, he put me on a medication to control my anxiety and mild depression. I have gained 20 pounds in the last 3 months and I am watching what I eat and doing yoga and Pilates. I felt as though for every right thing I did, I had one BIG thing fighting against me. My body!
The next day, I was having what I believe to be an allergic reaction to the anxiety medication. Tightness in my chest, shortness of breath, light headedness, difficulty concentrating. I told the oldest kids to watch me. If I fainted, or became to disoriented, they needed to call an ambulance. This changed the atmosphere in our house. It went from fighting, and being loud to somber and watching me. I called my doctors office and was told he would call me back. Hours went by. I began to feel better. and a little pissed off. Nice to know they couldn't care less.

Meanwhile, Alyssa decided to get hurt at a friends house. She fell down in their play room cutting her leg open. A little trip to the Emergency Room and 4 stitches later- we survived.
My doctor did end up calling, but with my blood results. Boy was I gonna let him have it about the mornings events. Then I forgot all about it, when he said I was perfectly healthy. I couldn't muster the words to respond. What? Healthy? Then explain my symptoms? I do NOT feel healthy- so there must be something! yep. There is. These can all also, be symptoms of my anxiety disorder. Holy cow! I really need help for this monster now. He did then address my concern over the medication. For starters it doesn't typically start to work for 2 to 4 weeks, so I won't see any improvements overnight. Second, he would like for me to keep taking it, despite my inability to breathe and tightness in my chest symptoms. This bothers me, but I'm desperate.

So, I am now left with a giant rock on one side and a barbed wire fence on the other. I can either climb the rock and endure the fight, or I can get caught up and possibly never get over the top on the other. I am changing the time of day of the medicine, to just before bed. So I can handle any discomfort while Cory is home to help and then hopefully I can sleep it off, while my body adjusts.

The second thing I am going to do- is see a chiropractor. My friends in Iowa will be pleased. I have found one here, that is a Palmer graduate. I am going to have them address everything- my TMJ, my popping knees, my popping hips, my RLS and even my anxiety. I feel as though I am left with no other options and beginning to think I should have listened to them from the beginning and gone earlier. I do have a skeptic on my side though. Cory thinks it's hokey, but he just wants me to feel better, so we'll see. So, until I begin to see any results I am just putting my faith in Christ and the power of the priesthood. I will get better, I just don't know when that will be. I will not let Anxiety get the best of me.